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GRIEF AND THE BIGGER PICTURE

In this second article on grief, I thought I would look at the bigger picture. It’s important to explore some of the less commonly talked about aspects of this complex but common experience.

GRIEF AND PET LOSS

Many people have incredibly close relationships with their pets. For some, a pet is the only living thing they feel close to. Pets have an enormous capacity for unconditional love and for providing joy and companionship. A dog’s need for daily walks gives people a reason to get out of the house and provides opportunities for social interaction. The death of a pet can have a massive impact on a person and their grief can be enormous. As I mentioned in my first article, the impact of a death is not about a label but about the relationship. We must try to remember to ask how the person is and not make assumptions.

GRIEF AND CHANGE

Grief is often used in the context of death but we must remember that grief is about loss, not just death. Loss results from change. These changes maybe difficult and painful, such as following a traumatic injury, many divorces and being made redundant. However, even changes  for positive reasons can involve loss. For example, getting married, moving to a lovely house or an exciting new job. These seemingly positive changes can still result in grieving the loss of things that were good that are being left behind. When we experience major change in our lives, it is worth acknowledging what is being lost and allowing ourselves to feel any sadness that arises.

SECONDARY LOSSES

These losses are usually associated with divorce or the death of a partner. On top of the primary loss, many people experience secondary losses which they don’t foresee. They may lose friends and no longer get asked to coupled events. They may lose their primary income, their house, financial security, their co-parent. Confidence and self-esteem are often affected too.

ANTICIPATORY GRIEF

This term refers to grief occurring before the loss has occurred. It usually refers to the impending death of oneself or of a loved one. However, it can also refer to other forms of loss such as a mastectomy, a divorce or a progressive disorder diagnosis. Anticipatory grief can help people process and prepare for the impending loss.

STEPWISE GRIEF FOR SOMEONE WHO IS STILL ALIVE

Whilst anticipatory grief is about impending loss, many people have to deal with a stepwise loss or change in a loved one through physical and/or mental ill health. Watching the gradual change in someone dear to us, often as a result of a degenerative disorder or cancer, can be very sad and painful. It is ok to acknowledge the change in this person and the loss of who they once were. It is ok to feel sad and to grieve the loss that is being felt.

Grief is a complex subject with many facets. Ultimately, it is important to recognise loss and to allow ourselves to acknowledge how we feel. To be real. Likewise, in supporting someone struggling with grief, we must reassure them that there is no right and wrong. If they are struggling and feeling grief in their situation, it is important to validate their feelings and to support them as best we can.

If you are going through change in your life and are finding it hard, you may find it helps to talk. Do get in touch if you’re interested in finding out more about how I might be able to help you.